Loyalty. It’s a quality that the humans look for in one another. One of, if not the highest sought after [quality] of them all. Yet, no one notices everyone has it in them. Even the most selfish human you know is loyal. The most lowdown scoundrel you could ever imagine is loyal. Seems like a bit of an oxymoron, doesn’t it? You might be thinking, there must be two types of loyalty. I’m here to let you know there is. However, they are one in the same.
Merriam-Webster defines loyalty as an “unswerving allegiance to someone or something”. A complete and constant support for someone or something. Loyalty is black or white. All or nothing. Think of it like the lights in a room, either it’s on or it’s not. For those of you thinking about light dimmers, the lights are still on. Apply the light dimmer analogy to loyalty though. You have to gage it. Some people need more than others. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “loyal to a fault”. In most cases loyalty is unrequited and just like the lights, it can do more harm than good. You see nowhere in the definition does it say loyalty to has to be reciprocated; yet the humans expect that from one another. That’s where the issue with loyalty comes in.
Idealistically you do onto others as you would want done onto yourself. Reciprocating the loyalty one is shown has to do with morality. Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t have the same morals as you. So, do you change your morals or do you expect the other humans to change theirs? Your morals make you who you are so that’s out of the question. Loyalty to oneself is a loyalty you humans oftentimes forget. The right choice for you will almost never be in the best interest for someone else. More specifically, humans are loyal to their habits or that “unswerving allegiance to something” mentioned earlier.
Take Frank Gallagher from the show Shameless for instance. Repeatedly we watch him make the most appalling decisions ever. Over the seasons, he’s abandoned his children multiple times, committed all sorts of fraud, denied a woman a heart transplant and the list can go forever. While these things are horrendous, his actions were in his best interests or fed his habits. So, whether it’s an issue with time and attendance, the need to be right, the need to be best at everything or anything habit that comes to mind. Good or bad; when you truly think about it, they’ve always been loyal.
Here we are. It’s 2017. The ten-year anniversary of Britney Spears’ very public meltdown and now you finally understand it. It makes so much sense to you now. It makes sense because you, my dear, are probably experiencing your very own Quarter Life Crisis.
What is the Quarter Life Crisis you ask? It’s something old people try to convince us doesn’t really exist. Just another thing us “entitled millennials” complain about if you ask them.
So, you’ve just turned 25 or are about to and then it hits you. You realize you haven’t done all the things you told yourself you’d accomplish when you were 25. In some weird attempt to escape your thoughts, you pick up your phone and you open Facebook, scroll down and you see a picture of a sonogram that reads “I can’t wait to meet you”. Or a hand with the caption that reads “I said yes” Chances are the last time you said yes was to the Chipotle employee when they asked if you wanted to guac with your bowl. And you realize you let your eight-year old self down. You don’t have your dream car, or the corner office with the amazing view and you still work weekends. You’re probably trying to figure out where I’m going with this, I’m getting there.
At eight you didn’t know the economy was going to be trash nor did you understand how inflation worked. You don’t have your dream car or any car for that matter because you probably have no license. That corner office, forget about it. It’s probably occupied by an old person who is trying to convince you that all the problems you had are made up and you should stop feeling entitled because (s)he worked for everything they have now. I’ll let you in on a little secret, you’re exactly where you need to be. You’re uncomfortable and that’s exactly what you need to change your circumstances.
At 25, you’re probably not fiscally responsible enough to even share your finances with a spouse and I can almost guarantee you don’t even know why babies get ear infections. (Also, I have enough nieces and nephews to ensure babies are not as fun as they appear in the viral videos.) That’s fine you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it. Spend this time getting to know yourself before you have to share yourself with other selves. Travel the world. Become a better cook. Read some books (possibly one that’ll explain ear infections). The possibilities are endless.
And if that wasn’t enough to convince you I’ve got news for you darling face, Britney was married and two kids when she lost her marbles. She was also, you guessed it, twenty-five. Britney went through that so you wouldn’t have to. Be grateful and learn from her. So, sit down, mind your business, and stop transferring money from your savings to your checking. Just remember Vera Wang didn’t make her mark on the world until she was 40. You got this.
I don’t take Xanax to replace the weed See Xannys is what I need
To keep up with the speed
of my demons as we dance
You see I’ve learned not to fight my demons
They only grow stronger
and with each round, the fight
it grows longer
It’s like they know. They’ve learned my fighting style.
I’ve been doing it a while.
Fighting the demons of mine
They sat me down and I decided to reason with them.
Acknowledged I needed them
and if I entertained them soon I’d be free again
I’d be me again
But it came with a price
I’d have to let them in a for a few nights
Just once a while.
They’ll drop by and we’d dance until I think I’ll die
I chose the punch from the bowl instead a punch to the nose because face it dancing won’t kill me its all I know
I miss ballet and shit
so why not let them stay a bit
I’ll pop some percs so my feet won’t hurt and the lean it makes my body numb
So much the dancing becomes fun
It’s okay I’ll hold it down
But if you ever see the green bottles just know my demons are coming to town Mental health is extremely important. There are people who are fighting their own demons on a daily basis. A little goes a long way. You never know how much a small gesture can mean to someone.
At some point in a human’s life they will feel the pain of heartbreak. It is inevitable. Unfortunate, yet inevitable.
Time passes and there might still be some resentment and/or anger to whatever caused them said heartbreak. Thus ultimately posing the ever popular question “Who hurt you?” The human will then go on explaining, sometimes in grave detail, about who and/or what hurt them. At all times in these explanations the answer is incorrect.
Nothing and no one hurt you. You hurt yourself. However saying you hurt yourself makes you sound like you’re stupid. It’s okay. Sometimes humans are stupid. But that’s neither here nor there. Let me explain why you hurt yourself.
Most of the times humans hurt themselves it’s because they’re not paying attention to what’s happening in real time. Or in the current moment. Say for instance, your finger gets crushed by a door. Is it the door’s fault or yours? You see, the same thing happens in this “love” thing you humans speak of. You’re not paying attention to what’s happening in real time. You’re either dwelling in the past or overthinking the future. Picturing scenarios of what could be.
More often than not, humans love incorrectly. They fall in love with the things they imagine. They fall in love with what they imagined the person can be, based on the potential they see in that person. The human isn’t paying attention. All the signs are there that your finger will get slammed the door (you’re going to hurt yourself) but you’re not paying attention.
You fell in love with this person that doesn’t exist. You fell in love with this idea of what could be. You tried to be Lois Lane to a man that thinks he’s Batman. Maybe you didn’t love the person, you just love what they came with or had to offer you. Either way, you hurt you.
A few days ago, I was asked to lend my opinion to a fellow blogger. I was posed the with question of whether one can be in love with two people at same time. Of course my response was no, because how can that logically make sense. As I wrote my response I found my standpoint on this changed.
Initially I thought how can you love me and love her? Did you develop these feelings of love for the second person or are they just a transference of feelings from the first one? Granted we both awaken different parts of your soul but why would you be okay with splitting your soul into multiple pieces? Would that not change how intensely you loved either of these two people? To my knowledge the only way to split the soul multiple times is murder (Lord Voldemort and his horcruxes). So in a sense you’re killing the people you love. Once more I ask, how are you okay with this?
The more I wrote, the more I became devils advocate. I thought maybe we’re doing it wrong. This love thing. Maybe love is cursed by monogamy. Why is okay for me to love bacon and cheesecake but it’s unacceptable for me to love Sean and Joseph? No one asks me if cheesecake means more to me than bacon. Or forces me to have one for the rest of my life with one or the other of the food choices, so why can’t this apply to Sean and Joseph? Corinthians in the bible says “love isn’t selfish”. By that measure wouldn’t asking me to love only you romantically invalidate this?
After asking myself all these questions I found I forgot to ask myself the most important one. What is love? How do you define it? That’s when it hit me. I figured out where the confusion comes in. You don’t look up the definition to words you think you already know the meanings for. What part of speech is love?
Is it a noun? Example : Find love soon
Or is it a verb? As in “I love you”.
Is it an adjective?
That there makes all the world of difference.
Love is an action. It’s something you have to do actively. People oftentimes think about about whether they love someone or not. Thinking about it no longer makes it a feeling. You don’t think about it. You just feel it. Love is simply energy.
Over the past few weeks, you could say one and one doesn’t necessarily equal two when it comes to Kanye. From the Twitter rants to some of the lyrics on his latest studio album “The Life of Pablo”, Kanye has been a bit more Kanye than usual if you will. He defends being mad as a hatter by asking us to and I quote “name one genius that ain’t crazy”. Immediately you should start to think and chances are you didn’t find any. If you have, Kanye and myself would please like you for to share your answers. In this piece I will try my hardest to decode what I call the Kanye complex.
By textbook definition a genius is someone who has the IQ of 140 or greater. However, not all forms of “genius” can be measured by testing. According to Howard Gardner’s 1983 book, Frames of Mind: Theory of Multiple Intelligences, there are nine modules of intelligence. The nine modules being musical, visual-spatial, verbal-linguistic, logical-mathematical, bodily, interpersonal, intrapersonal, moral and naturalistic. Each individual is said to possess their own blend of these intelligences. Gardner also presents the idea of a g-factor, stating there is a dominant type of intelligence. Now that we’ve got that covered, it’s time to attempt to answer Kanye’s question.
Let’s select a genius. Vincent Van Gogh seems as good as any. The post Impressionism painter, most known for The Starry Night severed his own ear and delivered it to a brothel. Only to wake up the next day with no recollection of the event. Another one? Let’s try Socrates. Said to be one of the greatest philosophers of all time, he pushes the envelope too far and is sentenced to death by execution. Ernest Hemingway? Amazing author. Shot himself. We can keep going, they’ll most likely have the same end result.
Geniuses are oftentimes ignored and ridiculed during their lifetimes and aren’t celebrated until years after their deaths. Thus making them “crazy”. The more they try to get people to understand them the crazier they seem, creating this complex I speak of. This is solely because they present radical new values, ideas or beliefs that are contradictory to the ones the general public already possess. This discomfort is known as cognitive dissonance. If we take a look back at “Yeezus”, Sir Kanye West is said to have committed blasphemy. The third song on the album is titled “I Am A God” and is featuring God himself. If I’m not mistaken (correct me if I’m wrong) the Bible states we were made in the image and likeness of God. So by that standard, would that not make us all gods? Or did I interpret that incorrectly? Your cognitive dissonance should be kicking in at the current moment as you try to find a reason as to why this isn’t the answer. Although you’ve tried you were unable to find a reason as to why it doesn’t make any sense.
That’s the thing with geniuses, they make normal people “think outside the box”. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. There is no box. Geniuses think freely. All things imaginable are possible. That’s what makes them crazy. Everything isn’t literal. All of life is a metaphor. Interpreting things as you see fit is what life is all about. Geniuses master the ability to do so; making the most mundane aspects of life amazing. From Socrates to Oscar Wilde to Basquiat to Kanye. They’re all crazy. You aren’t supposed to understand geniuses on an interpersonal level. You’re supposed to understand the art they composed for you. As I leave, I leave you with words from Kanye himself.
Say you’re friends with a person that’s constantly doing nice things for you. You know these gestures are genuine and they don’t expect anything from you but somehow you feel obligated to reciprocate them. If someone does something for you there’s this notion or idea that you have to do something in return. That’s completely false and the worst way to go about life. I’ll explain exactly why doesn’t make sense.
Usually when one human does something for another human they’re reasoning behind it is “I did it because I’m a nice person”. No. No you didn’t. Nice people don’t walk around telling people they’re nice people. Just like humble people don’t tell people they’re humble.The reason for you doing so would be to convince other humans that you are. Stop doing that.
Now to the topic at hand.
If you go around thinking favor-doing is some sort of tit for tat game you’re going to be very unhappy in life for two reasons. Firstly if someone doesn’t return said “favor” you’re going to be upset about it. It’ll eat at you. “But why?” you’ll think to yourself. Stop. If you’re expecting something in return for what you did it isn’t a favor. It is now a business transaction; some sort of bartering system.
Secondly, it’s draining. The idea of knowing you owe someone something is an extra weight on your shoulders. They’ve become bills in a sense. The idea of having to repay someone is the same as having to pay monthly expenses. This type of thinking puts a damper on your relationship with the person. Some people just do things because they seem like the right thing to do.
If you give a homeless man fifty cents tomorrow, he isn’t mandated to give you fifty cents when you need it. You don’t expect him to. It wouldn’t make sense. It applies to everything. So don’t do favors expecting someone to return one to you. Also do not expect pomp and circumstance for every hung you do. It doesn’t work that way. If you don’t get a thank you, it’s okay. Remember no one asked you to do it. You volunteered your services. On the the flip side of the coin, don’t feel as you have to repay everyone for everything. Some things can only be repaid with gratitude.
Forget all this I owe you one business. Youowe me none.